The Ultimate Amputee?

At first glance, this set is merely a little mysterious:

Could it be the profiles of two pregnancies?  Or a couple of faceless guys with bad toothaches?  Or perhaps just a couple of chawed-off hunks of bubble gum?

Bringing the two shakers towards each other solves the mystery:

It is, in fact, the ultimate amputee:  a torso with no legs and nothing above the waist–no arms, no head, no breasts–and if that weren’t enough, it’s cleaved right down the middle.  Two haunches.  The ideal salt and pepper shaker set for an ax murderer about to enjoy the products of his labours, along with some fava beans and a nice chianti, perhaps?

But the story gets a little more complicated when viewed from the rear: 

Talk about LMAO, eh?  Here are a pair of cutoff cheeks that only have eyes–very large eyes–for each other.  They have come together out of love of each other, it appears, but it seems that they have a secret, a dirty little secret, and they are keeping it strictly between them.

There’s something more than a little creepy about all this; I mean, imagine that those luscious lips and great big eyes are there inside your pants, or that they’re what you’re sitting on at this very moment.  It’s even worse than having eyes in the back of your head.

I believe that these cheeky buttocks are meant to be what people usual call “cute”–and that the theoretically harmless cuteness and adorability is somehow meant to suppress their eerier ax-murderish aspects   The vast majority of my salts and peppers are trying hard to be cute.  The cuteness of salt and pepper sets will have to be the subject of my next posting.

Published by pernodel

Children’s literature critic and author of books for children

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